I don't have an iPhone

I don't have an iPhone.

Don't get me wrong. I am not a technophobe. I do have a smart phone. Well, it was smart. 5 Years ago. But now it is just annoying. It lives permanently in the past and drives me up the wall trying to regain its erstwhile stature.

Take, for example, it's predilection for reminding me to do things. Not only does it wait until I am the opposite side of the house to it, but in the unlikely event I reach it before it stops chiming at me, it offers me the chance to 'stop' or 'snooze'. Of course it knows that if I just 'stop' it I will instantly forget what it was reminding me to do. So I 'snooze' it and that's that. No option for how long would I like to postpone my reminder, just 'snooze'. And then it waits. Until I am once more at the furthest point possible from the phone, or just submerged in a relaxing hot bath, or driving off somewhere with the wretched device zipped up in a bag in the boot!

The repetitive tone is designed to drive the most relaxed of human beings insane. It torments me. It berates me for having set the reminder in the first place. It knows my weaknesses and plays on them to the full.

I have built in blue tooth in the car which is great for voice activated calls on the move. But. When it decides to nag me about some stupid task like 'feed the fish' the mind-destroying chiming shouts out over the radio speakers and there's nothing I can do to stop it. On and on and on for a whole minute. And when it stops all I can think of is that in 5 minutes time it will start up again. Invariably this happens when I'm on the motorway and can't pull in to cancel it. Or perhaps I've only just managed to pass the tractor driver who seems to think that rush hour is the perfect time to trundle between the two furthest fields on his farm apparently forgetting that he's driving a tractor and could quite easily drive through the field! Anyway, nothing is going to make me stop now to grab the bag from the boot even if it is to smash the darned phone into submission!

And what am I supposed to do about feeding the fish when I'm 20 miles away anyway?

I don't have an iPhone. Yet.